Ok-here it is-another day another mood. For awhile now I have been sick of being up and down up and down, and apparently the man I fell for felt the same way. I had no idea, I pretended to think he was the rock that I could depend on. He let out this forte of "I'm ok, nothing bothers me". So what did I do to abuse that...pushed him to his limits. Limits reached, people lost! It's been raining since yesterday-just what this town needed-exactly what my body feels-dark, low, and crying constantly. Saturation is sometimes necassary and always filling and unfulfilling simutanisly! I think its kinda comforting and funny that my roomate in empathy of the situation, gave me a self help book! God what has my life come to? I know I'm moving forward-but I feel myself going crazy thinking about all my past failures. I failed again-learning along the way. When will I have learned everything I can and actually feel successful? Ahh, the ever progressing question.
I'm tired of hurting myself and allowing to be hurt. For some reason I felt that all relationships were a struggle. A struggle for finding that..."we can be who we are in a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same. 'Being who we are' requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship. 'Allowing the other person to do the same' means that we can stay emotionally connected to that other party who thinks, feels and believes differently, without needing to change, convince, or fix the other." is always past tense by the time I realize!
So where am I now? Shit-I don't even know anymore.
Jan, Alexis, Courtney, Heidi, Steph, Jolene, Emily and I went out for a Saturday climb. We set up 4 walls and blasted some tunes. Howie chased a snake and fell asleep in the dirt with the rest of the old doggies! Good Times! Later that night we had a festiv Costa Rican dinner party at Em's house-amazing food, some bean bag tossing competition and maybe too many tequila shots! I attempted a dish with sole-and the recipe that Jolene gave me was beyond my capabilities to create-so I americanized the dish a bit-and I'd have to say for not being able to follow directions very well, it was mighty tasty!
