Well another day another chapter in my life

Ok-here it is-another day another mood. For awhile now I have been sick of being up and down up and down, and apparently the man I fell for felt the same way. I had no idea, I pretended to think he was the rock that I could depend on. He let out this forte of "I'm ok, nothing bothers me". So what did I do to abuse that...pushed him to his limits. Limits reached, people lost! It's been raining since yesterday-just what this town needed-exactly what my body feels-dark, low, and crying constantly. Saturation is sometimes necassary and always filling and unfulfilling simutanisly! I think its kinda comforting and funny that my roomate in empathy of the situation, gave me a self help book! God what has my life come to? I know I'm moving forward-but I feel myself going crazy thinking about all my past failures. I failed again-learning along the way. When will I have learned everything I can and actually feel successful? Ahh, the ever progressing question.

I'm tired of hurting myself and allowing to be hurt. For some reason I felt that all relationships were a struggle. A struggle for finding that..."we can be who we are in a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same. 'Being who we are' requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship. 'Allowing the other person to do the same' means that we can stay emotionally connected to that other party who thinks, feels and believes differently, without needing to change, convince, or fix the other." is always past tense by the time I realize!

So where am I now? Shit-I don't even know anymore.